The Brick Wall..that I did not build.

I am never sure how I get into a place where I fill everything is out of control and beyond my capability to manage, but I find myself here more times that I care to admit.

Tonight I am thinking about the brick wall that keeps being placed in front of me that I did not build. It is a similar feeling to running on a treadmill, with no scenery that doesn't burn calories. It is identical to the feeling of running in place, not moving forward or gaining any new understanding.

The enemy likes me to think I can control my life. That is where all anxiety starts....the need to control. That takes the "faith bit" out of it. It takes the "pray bit" out....and even the "tell others how awesome God is thing"... Because when I am looking at a wall, I can only see the wall. I can't see the path ahead, nor can I feel hope that something good is coming. I only see dead ends, and dirty mortar that holds my life together by dust of the earth.

I have come to realize that the brick wall I find myself facing is likely a desire to control what is in front of me. A wall not good when you like to move things....drive change and be a cause of production and creativity. I hate walls to be quite honest. Walls of uncertainty, confusion, choices that don't make sense, and just hard stuff.....

So I will seek God and pray for the Holy Spirit to give me a green light in my spirit to walk to the right or left of the wall. Staying there is no longer a choice. I will pray God shows me how to keep the walls from coming up and I pray he shows me how to tear them down with His power and my tiny faith. I pray God shows me that walls take time to build and with my help, I can make them stay small and never become towers. I pray God shows me how to check my emotions at the door, because they will change tomorrow, and Lord willing, so will I.

I pray God shows me how to live this verse, because thinking might just be the hardest part.

The apostle Paul said, "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things and the God of peace will be with you" (Philippians 4:8)